Monday, February 14, 2011

Another Valentine’s Day Rant…

Ahhhh…nothing says “I Love You” like a gun barrel to the face.

I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. In fact, I would go as far to say that I somewhat despise Valentine’s Day. And contrary to popular believe that if I hate Valentine’s Day I must therefore be some strange, bitter breed of “scorned” single woman who has never experienced a “valentine” (and yes I am single, and no I have not experienced a “valentine”), the whole concept of V-Day simply pisses me off.

I am one of those wankers that claims’ their distaste for V-Day surrounds the theory that it is merely a ploy by Hallmark* to prey on the innocent, in order to turn a profit. Now, aside from the fact that I do actually believe all that shit, it goes much deeper than that. This brings to the following questions;

What is Valentine’s Day? Where, how and why did it originate? And why are people so infatuated with it?

Well thanks to our friends at Wikipedia, it’s really easy to obtain a brief overview and brief understanding of it all:

Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is the name of several (14 in all) martyred saints of ancient Rome. Of the Saint Valentine whose feast is on February 14, nothing is known except his name and that he was buried at the Via Flaminia north of Rome on February 14. It is even uncertain whether the feast of that day celebrates only one saint or more saints of the same name.

“Ok”, I thought to myself…“interesting”.

I then discovered that the name “Valentine” is actually derived from the Latin word valens, meaning worthy, strong and powerful. But wait a second…isn’t V-Day supposed to be about love and puppies and shit?

So basically, we’ve created and celebrate this holiday about love and relationships and romance and gifts, of which most of us have absolutely no idea about the basis of this “holiday”, and after conducting even the most minimal of research, I discover that the foundation of all of this is based on some guy, or group of guys, that have the name, and died at some point in time.


Furthermore, the name Valentine doesn’t even etymologically have anything to do with the concepts that we’ve constructed around V-Day! So where did this whole notion of “lovey” shit come from, and why are people so enamored by it? This brings me to Cupid.

Who the fuck is this puncey little bastard called cupid and what the fuck is his deal?!

In Roman mythology, Cupid (Latin cupido, meaning “desire”) is the god of desire, affection and erotic love. He is the son of goddess Venus and god Mars. He is known as a mischievous, winged child armed with bow and arrows – although why, I’m not exactly sure.

There is this whole convoluted story about Cupid falling in love (by his own arrow!) with this bitch named Psyche, and there’s this box, and I was going to share it, but it’s kinda boring and pointless. Basically what I got from it, is that Cupid is totally whipped by his mum, and is kinda clumsy and a bit of an idiot. He’s also hella self conscious and extremely vindictive. Not to worry though, because everything turns out fine, and even though Cupid totally ditched his hearts desire, she still loves him (cos I guess he’s somehow awesome), he ends up forgiving her (how big of him) and they live happily ever after.

So, I said before, I’m not really sure what the point to this story is or what moral teaching I’m supposed to learn from it. But basically, the only reason I can think of as to why cupid was recruited as a full time member of the V-Day business group, was because Valentine had a weak rep, and Cupid’s association with love and lovers throughout history substantiated the V-Day brand. There is, however, no historical connection (that I’ve found) that connects one to the other.

Side note: As I’m conducting my research, all of these online adds keep popping up; my favourite being that of Adult Friend Finder. So as I’m typing in words like “Valentine’s Day” and “Cupid” into the search bar, I am confronted by “The Worlds Largest Sex and Swingers Personal Community”, where I am told that I can “Get laid tonight in North Ryde”.  If only they new the purpose behind my research. So sorry “fillwithhappy 34/M”, I’m just not interested.
So if you couldn’t tell, I basically think Valentine’s Day is a crock of shit. It isn’t based on anything. It doesn’t mean anything. And it definitely does not represent what the majority of people think it does. So I suppose if people are happy to go on and delude themselves (and let’s not forget, spend a fuck-load of money) why not? By all means, knock yourselves out.

And in regards to why people are so infatuated with it? Well...I guess I’m just the wrong person to ask. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 * I am using the generic “Hallmark” as a representation far all that V-Day gimmicky shit gift cards, red and white fluffy toys, plastic flowers etc.

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